In the year about three bout of LGBTQ+ drama The L Term, “Lone Celebrity”, the ladies wait messaging regarding the name “gold star” and you may just who qualifies. The word, definition a great lesbian that only got gender with people, is a condition particular lesbians simply take pride for the, but it is one that is feel debatable since the our records out of sex and you will gender enjoys developed.
What is actually a gold star lesbian?
Maria Kindstedt, therapist within LGBTQ cures services Green Procedures, talks of it as “a great lesbian who’s only had sex along with other ladies,” convinced that, although you you are going to figure it as a good lesbian who has never ever had gender with people, “lesbian sex are going to be defined very well really without having any involvement out of guys.” It’s understandable a large number of lesbians, such of those who’ve trauma per males, manage select comfort inside their position while the a gold-star.
If you search for the term “gold star lesbian”, the results are overwhelmingly negative. Headlines like, “5 Reasons the phrase Gold-star Lesbian Must Die” and “6 Causes We Ought not to Say Gold-star Lesbian” indicate that people have less-than-positive feelings about it. But why is it so controversial? The term relies on notions of “purity” in abstaining from (cisgender) men, which means that it can be wielded as biphobia or transphobia, often leans on cissexist notions of gender, and it fails to take into account that many lesbians can be victims of compulsory heterosexuality or assault.
Most, it’s smaller about what anyone would like to label on their own, plus in the whether they make use of it to help you exclude potential couples. Kindstedt desires strengthen whenever somebody desires to determine on their own once the a gold star, which is Ok, providing they won’t hold anybody else into exact same standard. “We have to be mindful you to ladies’ 
sex keeps a history to be defined and you may subject to people inside a patriarchal neighborhood and be cautious to help you concern ladies’ intimate self-expression and you can negatively translate the labels they decide for by themselves,” she says, including one to stigmatising the expression you will definitely stigmatise lesbian sex subsequent. “If the a great ‘silver star’ wants to opened up until now female which have far more varied enjoy than herself, mining should be served.”
Whom *counts* as the a good lesbian?
Once we explore exactly who the term hurts, although not, we cannot deny it tends to infer an excellent cissexist idea away from just what a female was and you may exactly what a guy try. Ali, 23, are an effective trans lesbian which says that, just like the title enjoys died out as the her weeks reading they to the Tumblr, the concept lifetime towards the. “I’ve had talks for the matchmaking programs and you can schedules in which it [gold-star] has been bubbling away the lower everything you,” she claims. Ali tells me one to she are speaking to a lady to your The girl, an online dating application sold to queer people and you can low-binary some one. After specific right back-and-forward and you will and then make intentions to satisfy, the woman cancelled one hour ahead of the big date.
“Turned-out she hadn’t actually checked my character and had only just realised that we is actually trans. She then sent a follow-up message saying that in reality she perform nonetheless wish to get together, yet not intimately, as she failed to think she could be drawn to myself.” While you are Ali says she would not desire to be having a person who actually drawn to this lady, it hurt become refuted while the she don’t meet with the woman’s “perfect criteria out of lesbianism.”
Ali adds one to, even when the concept was in fact expanded to add trans girls, she nevertheless won’t fit, as the this lady has slept with non-binary individuals and other people that have afterwards turn out once the boys, and also make intercourse and you may intimate identities a lot more slippery as compared to label “gold star” allows. “You will find usually arguments towards Tumblr as well as on Fb regarding exactly who counts due to the fact a good lesbian, in the event that, state, non-digital lesbians number because the lesbians (obviously they do, however, anyone with the Fb is actually insane and worst), if someone who’s located any child glamorous can also be matter since a good lesbian (yes, definitely they do),” she adds. “The only one that will define your own sex will be you, but Myspace and its particular discourses enjoys created you to private sex can be a point of public debate.”